Assumptions on the Life of a (supposed) Virgin
by iridescenceoflove
Summary: "Traitor. And we are not, Bruce started it. Rogers is our Captain, so if you think about it, maybe he'll be more chill on orders if he got laid." In other words, Tony shouldn't make bets regarding people's virginity.


**Hey, you guys! This is an updated copy of this story, since the first one was just a spur of the moment kind of thing. Some of the dialogue and moments have changed, and it's been a bit more refined. Hope you all enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: You all know the drill...**

* * *

"Ha, no way. The guy doesn't even date or know how to flirt! Hell, he can't even tell when a girl is flirting with him!"

"Gotta say, Bruce, Tony's right. Girls may be all over him, but there's no way he's done the deed yet," Clint waved his bottle toward the guy of discussion, who was busy talking with Sam at the bar.

"Thanks, Legolas. All I need is Rhodey. And you agree with me, don't you, buddy?" Tony elbowed the guy to his right.

Rhodey just put his hands up in surrender and leaned back in his chair. "No, I'm not adding to this. It's none of my business. Don't you have something better to talk about? You're acting like a gossiping teenage girl."

Tony looked offended, either from the fact he couldn't get his friend to side with him, or the fact that he was being described as a gossiping teenage girl. "Traitor. And we are not, Bruce started it. Rogers is our Captain, so if you think about it, maybe he'll be more chill on orders if he got laid."

Bruce groaned and put his head down into his arms. "It was an off-the-wall comment! I didn't mean for you to lead a debate on his virginity!" Sometimes, hanging out with them was not good for his heart, he was sure of it. The only thing that he benefited was his increased control over the other guy coming out. "It's just hard to believe a guy like Steve Rogers hasn't had sex yet," he continued, "I mean, just look at the guy!"

"Ahh, another person who's been checking out our Cap like that," Clint was smirking suggestively.

"I didn't realize you were that kinda guy, Bruce," Tony wiggled his eyebrows.

The scientist flushed, then shook his head quickly, "What! No, I'm not into that stuff! Not that being like that and stuff is bad—and I'm not—I don't...I don't think about...or want..." he stopped and sighed. "I hate you guys. You two are perverts."

Tony scoffed at the insult. "I've been called worse."

"That's hard to believe," Clint deadpanned, receiving a scowl.

"Anyway, all I'm sayin' is that the good ole Captain Rogers hasn't reached Land—"

"Please don't finish that sentence."

"What? Oh fine, excuse me. Essentially, Cap still has his V Card."

"Okay, you may be right, but how could you really know? Steve can be extremely private if he wants," Bruce countered.

"I'll admit, it's not hundred-percent solidly proven, but, there's seriously hardly any chance he did it back before he froze. Skinny Steve getting it? Yeah, don't see it. And he said so himself, he didn't have time for much stuff then, during war and all that.." He paused to take a sip of his champagne, which tasted like watered down crap. "And now, he basically refuses to go out on any dates, and of the whole time he's been staying with us at the Tower, he's never brought a girl back with him."

"Aw, do you check up on us like that too, Dad?" Clint held his hand to his chest.

"In your dreams, Barton."

Rhodey spoke before Clint could respond. "Great observations, Tony, but it's not like he has to bring home a girl to prove he's done it. He easily can leave during the day and do whatever he wants."

"Who's side are you on, Mr. It's-None-Of-My-Business?" Tony said mockingly.

"Since when were there sides?"

"Whenever there's an opinion that isn't mine, there'll always be sides, my friend."

"Does that apply to Pepper too?" Clint asked, eyebrows raised.

"Um, no. I'm egotistical, not a dumbass. Wait, actually, that's only sometimes. Plus, Pepper doesn't get to count right now, she's still on her trip."

"Ah, so she still hasn't gotten back yet. That's why you're so interested in the topic of sex right now. You ain't gettin' any!" Clint laughed while twirling his bottle in his hands, the remaining amber liquid sloshing around.

"I can assure you that even if I'm not having sex, I take great interest in sex. Lack thereof, concerning the who in this conversation."

"You don't quit do you?"

"It's why you love me. We'll settle this nice and easy. Hey, Capsicle! Bring your chiseled ass over here."

Steve openly did an eye role, before turning his head to look for the group, signaling that he had indeed heard the objectionably complimenting order. Spotting them, Tony finger waved, before motioning him to come on over. "What is it?" he asked, standing before them.

"So, we were just having a lovely conversation here and figured you could help enlighten us."

Steve was already feeling skeptical at the positively gleeful smile plastered on Tony's face, a mixture of warning thoughts and signs popping up in his head.. "And how exactly can I help enlighten you guys?"

"Are you a virgin?"

Steve froze, hands in pockets, posture straight. "Excuse me?"

Tony was now supporting his head with his hands, elbows propped on the table. "Are you a virgin? You know, a guy who's never had s—"

He interrupted swiftly, "I know what a virgin is, Tony!"

"Great. So are you one?"

They all waited like like vultures hunting prey.

"Why do I need to answer that? Since when has my sex life become matters you were so invested in?"

"Oh, oh, Captain America said sex!" Clint stage whispered and proceeded to giggle, but stopped immediately . "I think I've had more drinks than I thought."

"Ah c'mon, Rogers, you know I'm invested in everyone's life around the tower. I'm a caring guy."

Everyone shot him a look, to which he returned with a glare. "Fine, don't tell us. You just don't wanna answer because you've never had sex before."

"I never said that."

"So you've had sex?" he didn't make an effort to look overly convinced.

Steve sighed. Times like these were another reason to hate the impossibility of receiving the effects of an alcohol induced system. "Even if I did, why is it so hard to believe? I'm ninety-six, not dead."

"Consider your junior captain dead if—"

"My god, Stark, if I answer you will you stop?"

"Yes. Only if you're not a virgin that is, because if you are, that's too much of a reason not to to stop busting your chops."

"No, I'm not a virgin."

Tony shook his head immediately. "Nope, don't believe it."

"Seriously? You call me over, I give you my answer, and you don't believe me."

"Sorry, but yeah, no. I don't believe it."

"You're just upset because that means I win," Bruce said.

"Classic Tony Stark…" Clint mumbled.

"Hey, Katniss, I thought you were on my side here."

"Your side is biased, Tony," Rhodey gave him a look.

Steve huffed in exasperation. "I didn't know that you guys did team bonding over my virginity."

"I do gotta say, I'm liking your sarcasm, Steve. Use it more often, makes conversing with you not seem like I'm talking to a perfectly righteous grandfather," Tony commented.

"It's not like I've never used sarcasm. I just use it much more tastefully than you, minus the snobiness."

"Ouch. How you wound me deep, Captain. Anyway, since you're appealing to my inner mockery skills, I'll give you a deal."

"Because deals with you are the best," Steve crossed his arms.

"See, look at you! Now put the sarcasm away, Dr. House and listen. You can prove to me—to us—that you're not a virgin, if you find a girl and dance with her."

He shifted his weight, brow slightly furrowed. "And why would that prove I'm not a virgin?"

"Because I'm asking you to dance _dance_. No forties lindy hop, or whatever crap you guys did. You're going to hold, touch, and grind. Basically, dirty dance."

"What are you now, horny?" Clint scrutinized Tony, before receiving a flick to the forehead. "You need Pepper back."

Steve rubbed his temples. "And why would I even do that?"

"Because you're just dying to get me off your back."

That prospect wasn't such a bad one in Steve's mind, once offered. "I can't just go find a random woman and do that with her."

"It's not like there's not a girl here willing to do all of that with you, Cap." Tony rolled his eyes. "You're like a hunk of meat in the form of a dorito on steroids to them."

"Am I supposed to say thank you?" He scrunched up his face.

"Consider it said and done to whichever girl you choose."

"You sure you wanna agree to this, Cap?" Clint looked up at the guy, amusement still written across his face, and maybe a hint of pity in his eyes. But that was only if you squinted.

He seemed to be considering something for a second, but he was speaking before anybody could really take notice. "Give me a moment," he told them, before making his way to the bar again.

"You think he's really going to find a girl and do it?" Clint asked, before chugging the rest of his beer in one big gulp, no longer it's refreshingly chilled temperature, but rather lukewarm.

"Nah, but I'll give him points for trying."

"Care to make a wager there, Tony?" Bruce asked.

"Let's hear it."

"If Steve really is still a virgin, I'll wear the Iron Man onesie for three straight days, and clean up the next five messes we make in the lab. But if he isn't, and I win, then you have to wear the Captain America onesie for three straight days and clean up the next five messes we make in the lab."

"Aw no, not the onesie!" Tony complained.

"Why, you think I'm going to win?" Bruce cocked an eyebrow.

"Hell no!"

"So deal?

"Fine."

* * *

"You're a troll, Rogers."

"It's what he gets for the endless discussions and debates on the topic. And for still thinking I'm some holy virgin."

"It's popular belief that you're still a virgin. He isn't the only one. There was a poll at S.H.I.E.L.D. about who would get the honor of deflowering you."

"Well, they can go visit the woman of honor six feet under in Wisconsin."

"You should reveal that to the press. Make a great landmark, 'Come here to see the first woman who banged America's Golden Boy'." She was aware how awfully crude that sounded, but she couldn't help the comment.

"Yeah, I don't think that would be wise. And I don't even think they'd believe that," he chuckled dryly.

"Not believing the guy they assume is incapable of lying? Irony in the flesh, I believe."

"How about the press just being the press?" He told her with a smile, before moving them out further, passing by other pairs and people, who were too busy in their own world to even notice their attempts of "excuse me." "Amazing what they pick and choose to believe and conjure up based on their own feelings."

"Trust me, I'm aware of the feeling." She was getting her handful of storylines and articles about her files and past, and it wasn't her most favorite thing to deal with on tabloids on the weekends, to say the least.

He didn't say anything, to which she was grateful more so for, instead, opting for a gentle squeeze of his hand on her waist and a warm caress on the cheek.

* * *

"See, look at that, no Cap. He couldn't do it. I win!" Tony gloated, a little too smug and happy for Bruce's liking—or really, anybody's.

"What did you expect, you basically asked him to find girl and have them grope each other on the dance floor."

He simply shrugged, refusing to let him rain on his parade. "You're just butthurt that I won. Pull that onesie out and get ready for some cleaning!"

"Hey, hey, hold on," Rhodey said, catching a glimpse of a certain blonde head. His height really didn't conceal him that well. "I think I saw Cap out there."

Tony eye rolled, waving his hand dismissively. "I'm sure he's getting a pity dance from Wilson or something."

"No, Wilson's over there getting his face sucked off by Hill," Clint said, picking at the label on his bottle, not even bothering to comment on Tony's ship-teasing of the bromance between his other kindred bird-based co-worker and leader.

"Ah, so Wilson's the lucky guy. I knew Hill _so_ needed to get la—"

"Wait a minute—" Rhodey interrupted.

"Oh, my God," that was Bruce, who had actually been listening to the colonel.

However, Tony did perk up at that. "What?"

"Damn. Talk about sucking the face off of someone..." Rhodey said.

Tony finally focused his attention to the dance floor. "Son of a bitch."

"Holy shit!" If Clint's bottle hadn't already been emptied, he would have taken a chug and done a spit-take right then and there.

Tony had fallen out of his chair, Rhodey was now smirking, Clint's jaw appeared to be stuck in motion, and Bruce looked very surprise.

"Well, I'll be damned. Congratulations on the win, Bruce." Rhodey seemed to be the only one shaking off his astonishment somewhat, sticking his hand out in good nature to shake Bruce's hand.

"Yeah. Yeah, thanks, man," he shook it, but his attention didn't stay off the pair for long.

"Am I hallucinating? Usually I need more alcohol for that," Tony peered into his glass, ass re-positioned back in his chair.

"I can't believe this," Clint uttered, mouth revived.

"You're a spy for God's sake, and she's your best friend! How could you not know this?"

"I see that JARVIS didn't inform you of this—this—interrelation!" Clint defended himself.

He opened his mouth, but closed it, before attempting again. He exhaled. "Steve Rogers, you deceiving little shit…"

* * *

"You know, I would've won that bet though," her smirk was heavier than his punching bags.

He put two and two together fairly quickly of the reason why she would've so conveniently won. "Talk about being a troll," he shook his head, but his lips were curled upwards, the barest hints of a smile showing.

She shrugged good naturedly. "People expect that of me. From you, it's different. Just like assuming you're a virgin."

"And did you assume the same things when we first met?" He playfully said with a smile, but he was genuinely curious.

She thought for a moment, but she seemed to already know her essential answer to the question. "Yeah, I sorta did. But assumptions went away once I got to know you. And when we actually did it. No way in hell would somebody who was a virgin, perform like that in bed. Serum's the added bonus."

He chuckled, pulling her closer to his body. "Glad your assumptions were dissuaded. That was a nicely complimenting way to praise my bedroom skills."

"I think the results you get are compliments enough."

"Mmm, very true, very true…"

She grinded against him for good measure, the results and darkening irises pleasing her greatly. "And people say you're so humble…"

"I think a lesson we've all learned tonight is; fuck what the news and press say, because clearly they like thinking I'm some naive, wholly-modest, Buddhist monk."

She laughed at the fact that in his little commentary, he had also dispelled the other popular opinion of Captain America's usage of foul language.

If only they heard his bedroom talk sometimes.

* * *

"Oh c'mon, he's grabbing her ass now just to show off," Tony motioned to them. "Bastard," he grumpily insulted. "Put the finger down, Natalie!"

"Well, I think it's safe to say our Captain has already lost his V card, just the way you've lost the bet."

"Shut up."

* * *

"Come on! You can't stay in there forever, Tony!" Bruce hollered to the door.

"No! I can, and I will."

"Oh, quit being a sore loser, Stark! Get your ass out here," Natasha yelled, albeit slightly less genial than Bruce's.

"You can't make me! And I blame you for this too. You take his virginity, I take your entertainment!"

"Just get it over with, Stark. Quit being a baby."

"Oh ho ho, I'm definitely not coming out for your viewing pleasure, you non-virgin, treacherous captain!"

"I bet you secretly like it, you just don't wanna admit it and show us."

"Wilson? Who the hell all is here?"

"Come on, man. Just suck it up!" Rhodey said.

"You all can suck it."

"I'll go through the vents to your room if you don't come out!"

"Nice try, Barton. Made sure to seal them off!"

"Stark, I don't see the need of such resistance. It's just a costume. Think of it like ah—Halloween!"

"Thor? Why are you here? Weren't you supposed to be in Asgard until the weekend?"

"Yes, but I pleased in the thought of seeing what you looked like in your ensemble!"

There was the sound of a head banging against the wall.

"Tony, just come on out."

There were sounds of scuffling. "Pepper? Is that you?" The voice was much closer to the door now.

She scoffed with a smile. "Of course it's me, Tony."

"What are you doing back? You weren't supposed to come back for another five days."

"I finished up early and thought I'd surprise you. Now quit being so damn stubborn and open this door."

"I'd really rather not, Pep."

"So you don't wanna see me?"

Damn it. She was doing it. "I don't think I ever said that."

"Really, because it's sorta sounding that way—"

"No, it's not, I just don't—"

"Wanna face your impending embarrassment."

"Hey, I never said anything about embarrassment—"

"You can say nothing, but there's a lot of implications with you."

"What, is that like a compliment or something…"

"If you want."

"It didn't sound like—"

"JARVIS, will you please open the door for me?"

"Don't you dare—"

"Thank you, Jarvis."

There was approximately two seconds of silence before they all burst out in peals of laughter at the grouchy sight of him, accompanied by the signature click of a phone camera going off.

"Snapchat is going to _love_ this," Clint managed through laughter.

"Dum-E is my favorite now…" he didn't receive an answer from JARVIS, but screw him anyway. "C'mon, you aren't supposed to be laughing here."

She at least tried to hide her laughs behind her hand. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Come here," she opened her arms for an embrace.

He had to admit, he really had missed her.

"Oh, this is really soft!" she commented as she felt the material around his shoulders.

"Courtesy of my input."

Steve sighed, but his amusement was still shining clearly in his eyes. "We know, Tony."

"I think red, white, and blue could truly be your color scheme," Bruce was wheezing, reaping the benefits of his bet quite joyously.

"I'm sticking to my red and gold, thanks."

"It accents your womanly curves better than my catsuit."

"I would take you on right here, missy, if it weren't for the fact I'm defenseless right now against  
you and your super soldier boyfriend."

"It looks incredibly comfy, Stark. I see no reason for complaints." Thor said.

"Great, so you can have mine once I'm done wearing it," Tony said sarcastically.

"Nah, you love it too much to give it away," Steve said.

"I'd rip it off my body right now if I could and strangle you with it."

"Tony!"

"Well, it's his fault, Pepper. And hers," he pointed accusingly to them both.

"Shouldn't you be blaming Bruce too? He was the one who made and won the actual bet," Natasha said.

"Oh, I blame him too, but _you_ , you little deceitful trickster," he pointed to Steve, "are the reason he even made the bet, and you," he pointed to her this time, "are the reason I actually lost it, if you think about it."

They both shrugged. They were in mutual agreement to not even bother and straighten him out about who actually Steve's virginity first.

"Wait, wait, wait, why is it Steve and Natasha's fault? And what bet? I thought we already had this discussion about bets, Tony," Pepper reprimanded him in that voice everyone was all too familiar with when it came to him.

"They finally decide they're to do the whole shebang and bang each other thing, and thought it would be funny to reveal it to us in the most inappropriate way on the dance floor for all us poor kids to see."

"From what I remember, you're the one who entailed the requirements for proof," Steve objected.

"Oh please, you're not that naive, Stark," Natasha said.

"You betted on them being together? I can't believe you would be so blind to do that. They aren't exactly that covert, considering they're superheroes," Pepper stated dryly.

"Technically, we betted on Steve's virginity," Bruce corrected.

Tony seemed to be having a moment before her turned to her. "You knew! How the hell could you know before me?"

"Hold on here a sec. Pepper knew, but I, a spy and your," he jabbed the finger at Natasha, "best friend, didn't know either?" Clint gestured to himself incredulously with his phone.

"To be fair, none of us did…" Bruce said, thoughtful, to which Thor nodded in agreement.

"I knew!" Sam added in cheerfully, which accrued an impressive amount of glares all around.

"Men are clueless," Natasha said offhandedly, bringing forth a look of protestations from their party, which she effectively cut off by speaking again. "And you're definitely not the best at personal happenings, Barton," Natasha smirked. "Must I need to mention Mor—"

"Okay, I get the idea, be more invested in personal things, yada yada," he intercepted, quickly returning back to his phone.

"Don't think you can hide your personal issues, Clint, we'll get to you later. But I wanna know how come I wasn't told of this development, Pepper. First JARVIS, now you? What, do I not have any loyal followers anymore?"

She tilted her head, giving him her exasperated look. "It wasn't my business to go gossiping about them. I figured they'd announce it more publicly when they were ready."

"Look, it wasn't like we had voluntarily told anybody," Steve said to them all, trying to clear things.

Natasha straightened up and crossed her arms. "Neither of us actually told Pepper. She just accidentally caught me and Steve one night—"

"Oh my God, you caught them doing the act too?" Weirdly enough, there was an even mixture of horror and intrigue in Tony's voice.

"No, she didn't," Steve said.

"Ehh, close enough on the kitchen counter," Natasha added nonchalantly, jutting her hip out while moving to rest her left shoulder against the wall, grinning when Sam screwed his face up in disdain.

"Like I said, not very covert," Pepper was smirking this time, glancing towards to the two, receiving a scowl from Natasha.

"And I did not need to know that," Clint muttered under his breath, proceeding to launch his bird into the construction site, turning up the volume on the side of his phone.

"Seriously? You just had to do my marble countertops? God, I need this image out of my head…"

"Take a chill pill. We didn't actually have sex on the countertops," Natasha told him.

"Could've gotten to that had Pepper not interrupted us,"

Natasha had to give him credit, he said it without a change in tone, or shade of color. Plus, the look on everyone's faces was priceless, save for Thor's.

"Tighty-whitey soldier my ass…" muttered Rhodey.

"Huh. I guess we are more alike than I thought," Tony was observing him with intrigue, and the moment was even more comical with his Americanized onesie.

Steve regarded that comment with skepticism and horror, while Natasha smiled, standing on her tiptoes to give him a peck on the cheek.

Clint appeared to study them for a second, then nodded his head, getting used to the idea. "I ship it."

The others regarded him and his statement, before they hummed and nodded in agreement.

"I've been shipping it since D.C.!" Sam said, clearly still looking to one-up people, even if he was right. Steve gave him an exasperated look that seemed to say _I know_.

"You're a dork," Natasha told him.

"You know, there should be shirts for you two," Tony said, before snapping his fingers. "'Romanogers'."

There was a synchronized "no" from them both.


End file.
